Among all the fearful things, the most feared thing is death. We all know that our lives will come to an end, but we just don’t know when or how we will die. This sense of inconsistency has become a constant lingering concern in our lives, making it impossible for us to fully enjoy the peace and satisfaction of the present. At the thought of dying, we may immediately feel panicked and feel that life seems to have no meaning.
Some people are anxious and worried that they may die at any time. Some people will show it in a lighter form. For example: worry about your health, dare not take risks, etc. Both may affect and even destroy our quality of life.
Some people believe that there are many mental health problems, which are actually caused by fear of death (Iverach et al., 2014). The reason why we feel worried about our health, fear of getting sick and being hospitalized is because we worry that we may die. The reason why panic disorder occurs is often because when the person feels that his heart is beating very hard, he thinks it is a heart disease and is afraid that he will die. People suffer from various phobia (such as hypersensitivity, snake fear, or melanemia) because they believe they are more likely to die when they come into contact with those things.
In our lives, the shadow of death is everywhere, but we cannot live in fear forever, so we will protect ourselves with various safe behaviors and avoid the threat of death. For example, we may refuse to engage in adventure activities, or pursue fame or wealth, allowing ourselves to live forever, or strive to connect with others, hoping that they can remember us. These are all very normal reactions. Owen, honored professor of psychiatry at Stanford University. Irvin Yalom, in his book Staring at the Sun, says death well:
"It is not easy to realize that death is not easy. It is like trying to conceal the sun. It won't take long to endure it."
He also pointed out, "Although death itself will destroy us, the concept of death will save us." In this sense, we don't seem to need to take our anxiety about death as an unpleasant feeling and set it aside. If we can face death directly, we may find new meanings and goals for our lives. After accepting the fact that "everyone dies", we can decide what meaning we should give our life and live with a more cautious attitude. By the same token, our meaning of death may also affect our happiness and happiness today (Neimeyer, 2005)
When facing death, life has changed positivelyI have done a study on patients who survived after breast cancer. Many of them said that their lives have changed positively when facing death. Although the experience of death has caused them great fear, it has also caused them to rethink the meaning of life, and the more intense the injury reaction, the greater the growth after the event and the more positive changes.
But we don't have to be so close to death to see what it means to us. "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" (abbreviated as ACT) allows us to explore the meaning of death by imagining our own funerals, or thinking of the worldly wives, and to think about how we should live in the end of our lives. Doing this may bring us a spiritual impact, allowing us to make changes, the process may be painful, but it can make us better choices. For example, you can imagine: If you could live according to the principles you value, what would this kind of life be like? If you live according to the meaning and goals you choose, what do you do every day? What will you work hard for? What will you give up? What work will you put into (even if you may not be able to do it)?
If we can investigate death in this way, we can clear what we should do now.
Since we are finally dying, it seems impossible to eradicate the fear of death in our hearts, and such fear is understandable. But sometimes, we have some unrealistic ideas about death. For example: "If I die, our family will collapse." Or "The process of death is very painful." This has made our fear even worse, and it has even been severe enough to interfere in daily life.
When we talk about our fear of death to others, most people will try to comfort us, saying that this is a long time later. Although these words are all from good intentions, they do not help us because we all know that we will die one day and may not be any signs in advance. Even if we try to avoid the fear of death, we will not die for a while, but when we face the unpredictability of life, we will still have such fear.
We need to completely accept the certainty of death (it is part of life and will inevitably come) and the indetermination (it does not know what form it will come). Some people believe that death makes life meaningful. Some people try not to think about it, thinking that as long as they try to avoid misfortune, death will not come, so they avoid anything related to death, do not want to discuss death, nor do they want to see any scene related to death.. When they encounter things that they think are dangerous, they avoid them even more, and the more anxious they feel about death, the more dangerous they will see things.
What should we do when facing the fear of death?At this time, they may experience various phobia. Unless we can deal with our fear of death, even if we eliminate one phobia, it will be possible that another phobia will appear soon. So, what if we are deeply afraid of death and know that we will eventually be unable to avoid death? At the end of the day, if we want to experience life in full without giving our daily life a fear of death, we must adopt death and regard it as part of our life. The so-called "accepting death" does not mean that we hope to die, but that we no longer work hard to fight death because it is not something we can control.
Accepting death does not mean giving up life. The fact is exactly the opposite. When we accept death, we can give life several meanings. On the contrary, when we feel that life has meaning and strives to live a meaningful life, we can also regard death as part of life.
This will change our lifestyle, allowing us to live a life that is intentional according to our own values, spend more of our thoughts on things that are really important, and move towards our goals.
When we feel sad about the death of a friend, we will also recognize the fact that we will eventually die. We would think, "If that person could say just go, it might happen to me. What does this mean for me and my life? What does it mean for the life I have now?"
Change our view of deathPeople will gradually accept death in various ways. Here are three methods proposed by Gesser, Wong and Reker (1988).
●According to approach acceptance— People are able to gradually accept their own death because they believe that there is still life after death, or may enter a certain form of paradise.
●Escape acceptance— Those who suffer great pain in their lives may receive death, or even embrace death, because they believe death may relieve them or avoid suffering.
●Neutral acceptance (neutral acceptance)— do not respect death, nor treat death as a way to escape pain, but regard it as a natural and uncontrollable part of life.
Test
In "Acceptance and Confession Method", sometimes psychologists will ask the client to imagine that they are "writing their own tomb magazines." If you can write a few lines of words on your tombstone, what do you want to write the most? The purpose of doing this is not to test others' opinions about you, but to allow you to explore your own ideas and values, that is, the meaning of life you want to realize from today (Hayes, 2005).
If you feel very difficult to do this kind of practice, it is best to do it with the help of a healer.
You can try to explore your opinion on death. Some of these deepen your fear of death. Each of us has many ideas about death, some of which help us, some of which are harmful to us. For example, if we think we have no reason to die, then we may feel more anxious and painful when we think of death. Therefore, you might as well think about whether you have these ideas and doubt their rationality. However, sometimes doing this may give you a strong emotion, so you might as well find someone you trust (an acquaintance or a healer who can point you) and ask them to accompany you.
Reveal our fear of death in writingIf we can write down our fear of death, we can explore these fears in a transcendent, cold state and gain some insights and discoveries from it. During this process, you can stop at any time and wait until you are ready before turning back and writing.
It is not easy to face the fear of death, so if you can find a severe treatment teacher who has been trained to help you, the effects may vary greatly. If you can't find a healer like this, you can also find a friend you trust or someone you love. They may also give you great support, because fear of death is a problem that we all face together.
When you are writing, conducting psychological counseling, or discussing your fear of death with someone you love, you can ask yourself the following questions.
●What are you afraid of about death? How do these fears manifest in your daily life?
●What do you think about death is different from others?
●What does this difference illustrate?
●How did your past experiences about death shape your current view on life and death?
●What will you do to avoid death?
●What meaning or concept do you want your life to have?
●What mark do you want to leave behind you?
●What actions or choices can you take in real life or make in real life to realize your meaning in your life?
●If you hope that for a long time, when you look back at this stage of your life as soon as you look back at the beginning of your life, you can have a smile on your face and feel satisfied with the choices and lifestyle you have made, what kind of life do you have to live now?
●If you want the next stage in your life to be the most meaningful and purposeful stage in your life, what will it include?
●How do you view death to improve your quality of life?
How to face the terror of death Tip●The human terror of death includes: terror of known facts and unknown facts.
●Some people will grow when they die, and their lives will also change positively..
● Accepting death does not mean giving up life. The fact is exactly the opposite.
●If we can accept death, we can find meaning for life.
※This article is excerpted from the Far-Liu Publishing House "Why No One Telled Me"
